November 07, 2004

Go To Sleep, Damnit

Yes, I love my daughter very much, and wouldn't trade her for the world. But her night-time sleep habits lately are pissing me off. Read on for the vulgarity-laced rant to Dorothy, unless you haven't yet had children, in which case you should just ignore this entire post because having children is a 100% happy experience which has no downsides whatsoever. Come on in and join us, the water's fine!



Dorothy, I understand that your mommy and I messed up your sleep schedule when we went to Seattle, even though you'd been making progress on sleeping longer at night and sometimes taking decently long naps during the day. And yes, we may not have been hard-core enough to reset your sleep schedule as soon as we returned home, instead letting you continue to come into the bed and doing whatever it took to get you back to sleep right away, rather than distracting you and keeping you focused on sleeping in the crib.

But we've been back home for over three weeks now! Get over it!

When it's 1am, and you just nursed only 90 minutes ago and had Tylenol right before that, and you seem content enough (perhaps even half-asleep?) in my arms or Elizabeth's arms but shriek bloody murder as soon as we get you near the crib, I am ready to scream:

GO. THE FUCK. BACK. TO SLEEEEEEEP!!!

We've come to like Dr. Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" book, which talks a lot about early bed times and long naps. It had been working a month ago. But now that you're not only waking up every couple of hours at night but also getting up for the day at 5-freaking-AM in the morning, we're ready to move on to his suggestions for the more difficult babies: let them cry it out. When you were four or five months old, I thought letting a baby cry until they dropped was still too "barbaric" a way to get babies to sleep. But I think it's become pretty clear that you're no longer staying awake because that's what your body wants. You're staying awake because you want attention and someone to play with.

That's nice and all, but no fucking way are we going to let you mess up our sleep forever. For one thing, I'm becoming less and less useful to your mommy when you wake us up at night. In the first few months, I could wake up and take care of you without much problem. These days, though, half the time I wake up very grumpy and almost scream back at you when you're fussing about the crib. I'm physically gentle, but not much use. So you're just being self-defeating about waking up anyway. And for another thing, I think it's time you start developing a better sleep schedule, because it'll be healthier for you, and it's the "big girl" thing to do.

So be warned: that little bit of crying while in the crib you experienced today could be just the beginning. Your mother and I need to get more continuous sleep, because your cuteness will save your life only for so long....

Posted by Tom Nugent at November 7, 2004 10:56 PM
Comments

This is the eighth of the 15 "Baby bets" that can be paid off....anyone who had "8 months" in the "It will take this long for Tom to crack" pool, should contact me with for the $12.35 payoff.

Posted by: Tom at November 8, 2004 10:07 AM

You've lasted much longer than I would have.

Posted by: Grandma Chris at November 8, 2004 11:32 AM

This whole "we'd love you to come and visit" wouldn't by any chance be a way to give Dorothy a new 1 am playmate, would it?

Posted by: Tom at November 8, 2004 12:33 PM
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